Grief refers to the natural process of coming to terms with a dire circumstance or the loss of a close person or a significant object. It is a critical, usual reaction or response to loss. Individuals usually feel or experience deprivation or anxiety, a feeling showing itself emotionally, physically, cognitively, spiritually, and socially. As the loss sinks in the first phase of grief, the mourning phase begins. This mourning goes on as individuals process the different emotions and adapt or adjust to the new conditions and changes the loss brings into their lives (Palmer 3).
The final phase marking the grieving process is developing a way of maintaining the connection with the departed while reclaiming meaning and joy in one’s life. Grief counseling is one of the ways a grieving person can retain such a connection. Thus, grief counseling is the form of therapy that aids grieving individuals to explore and process confusing and distressing feelings and eventually find a way to move on. It helps clients to grieve healthily. The paper seeks to explore grief counseling and develop a counseling plan for a specific scenario.
As mentioned, grief refers to a reaction to various kinds of losses that comprises a range of feelings from severe sorrow to anger. Individuals grieving may bounce between multiple emotions in an attempt to make sense of loss. They may exhibit thoughts such as “it was not his time” for troubling emotions, “he had such a good life” to imply soothing emotion. Thus, they may assign themselves different levels of responsibility like “I am to blame,” or “what could I have done?” The adaptation process to any significant loss can vary from person to person, depending on their belief, background, relationship to the lost, and considering various other factors.
This grief definition (response to whichever form of loss) is broad; thus, it is something experienced in ranging situations, including marriage dissolution, the demise of a loved one or a pet, the departure of a pastor to some other church, loss of a home, disaffection with a family member, and any other form of significant loss (Palmer 2). The loss of a person’s faith, the decline of one’s spiritual vivacity, or the inability to finding meaning in life can all generate a sad feeling and emptiness indicating grief. As such, whenever a part of life is interfered with or removed, grief is initiated.
Nonetheless, most discourses of grief concern the losses associated with the death of a loved one or other meaningful person. Loss refers to the break-up of an attachment that provides security and love, such as a relationship between family members or friends (Tran 8). Death, ultimately, happens to everybody, and mourners grieve. Such grieving can never be easy. People often attempt to soften the shock and trauma by dressing up the dead body. They may surround the coffin or grave with flowers and soft lights while utilizing phrases and words such as “passed away” rather than “died,” without realizing that death cannot be made into a beautiful thing.
Christians take comfort in the certainty of resurrection even though it does not ease the pain and emptiness of letting the person we love go. Losses experienced via death make grievers face unalterable, absolute, and irreversible conditions leaving nothing else for doing concerning the relationship. The Bible notes that death is a stinging enemy (KJV Bible, 1 Cor. 15.55), and thus, grief can be overwhelming. Ultimately, each person will die; meanwhile, most people will grieve in the least, periodically. Such grieving provides counselors with a tough and rewarding challenge of helping others deal with or handle death.
As Christians, the Bible remains the ultimate authority by which those professing the Christian faith run their lives. It gives realistic accounts of death and the ensuing grieving of many individuals. The Old Testament provides the assuring comfort and presence of God as His people traverse through the valleys and shadows of death (Ps. 23.4), and by reading the book, people encounter descriptions of individuals grieving in times of trouble and loss and learn the strength this Word of God provides grievers. It introduces believers to the Messiah who was “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief…surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows (Is. 53.3, 4). Similarly, in the Old Testament, various passages exist that handle death and grief. They fall into two likely categories: Christ altering the meaning of grief and Christ demonstrating the meaning of grief.
(i) Christ alters the meaning of grief.
As the norm, many people (non-believers) grieve without expectation or hope for a better tomorrow. These individuals see death as the final journey and the terminator of a relationship. This is contrary to Christian belief since the Bible points out, “… if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him” (1 Thess. 4.14). These words offer comfort to believers as they promise and establish that, soon, those who died in Christ will be resurrected imperishable and that they will put on immortality. After all this, the saying that death shall be swallowed up in victory will be spoken. As such, death does not mark the end of life for a Christian; instead, it is like a path to eternal life (Kellemen and Stephen 207).
The physical demise still exists since the devil has the power of death; nonetheless, Christ overcame death through crucifixion and resurrection. He promised that those who believe and live in Him would not face death (Jn. 11.26). Even though this information is comforting, it does not remove the intense grief and pain and the requirement for comfort. Therefore, believers are invigorated to remain steadfast and fixated in performing the Lord’s work because such work is not in vain, for they have the guarantee of resurrection.
(ii) Christ demonstrates the significance of grieving
When Jesus begins His work, one of the touching lessons he handles is the Sermon on the Mount. He spoke about grieving where he states, “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted” (Matt. 5.4). This denotes that mourning received no significance at the moment. However, Jesus lists it among the most desirable qualities like mercy, hunger, and thirst for righteousness, purity, peacemaking, and meekness. Also, the death of Lazarus troubled and moved Jesus deeply. This can be seen when He went to Lazarus’ funeral days later. On arriving, He found others like Mary, angry and without comment; He accepted Lazarus sister’s anger, and thus, it is written, “Jesus wept” (Jn. 11.35).
He knew He would raise Lazarus from the dead, yet He still grieved. Additionally, Jesus isolated himself, probably to grieve, on discovering the execution of John the Baptist (Matt 14.12, 13). Jesus also suffers deep anticipatory grief in the garden of Gethsemane as he awaits the imminent trouble and gruesome suffering about to befall Him in His quest to rescue humanity. This grief is likened to David’s, who grieved when he saw death about take his son. As such, even the earlier Christians saw grief as healthy and normal. Nonetheless, it is good to note that grief can become unhealthy- pathological.
Normal and Pathological Grief.
Grief can be categorized into normal and pathological grief, and these two are distinguishable. Normal grief involves anger, intense sadness, loneliness, depression, changes in social relations, and physical symptoms. These encompass a period of transition and deprivation likely to last days, weeks, months, or even years. Kubler-Ross’ model of grief (the Five Stages of Grief) consists of five stages, namely: denial (unwillingness to accept loss reality), anger (towards the lost, themselves, or other people), bargaining (begging a higher power to undo such a loss), depression (confronting reality of loss and their helplessness to alter it), and acceptance characterized by moving forward without the departed (Palmer 4). Others often adopt the mannerisms of the lost individual unconsciously as they desire to speak considerably concerning the dead person.
Kubler-Ross denoted that the model illustrated the bereavement process; nonetheless, she adapted the model as a description for every kind of grief. The scientist acknowledged that everybody undergoes at least two of the stages when grieving. As such, different individuals may revisit some stages for years or through their lifetime (Baglione et al. n.p). Additionally, some individuals usually remain stuck at one stage of the grieving stages, while some make progress only to fall back to previous stages with time. Thus, individuals may delay grief only for it to surface unpredictably months later. It is challenging when normal grief is transitioning to complicated grief. Nevertheless, normal grief is termed “uncomplicated” because its process runs in a consistent course and results in restoring both emotional (mental) and physical health.
Sometimes grief becomes complicated or pathological. This type of grief is intensified, prolonged, delayed, or deviates from the usual grief, thus, occasioning bondage to the dead individual and averting one from coping with life amply. There exist no particular symptoms pinned to complicated grief; however, certain behavior may be seen repeatedly. Such include a “giving up” attitude of hopelessness and helplessness, deferment in grieving, impulsivity, extreme moodiness and social withdrawal, and suicidal attempts or feelings. These people appear unable to unshackle themselves from the departed individual.
Mourning and the Different Symptoms of Grief
The other scientist proposed a model called Four Tasks of Mourning used in the healing process. Worden proposed that for humans to heal, they should accept the reality of the situation, work through the pain associated with grief, adjust to the current condition of loss, and maintain a link with the departed in moving on with life. Thus, the bereaved find an enduring link or connection with the departed person (Palmer 4). The deep uncertain pain incurred from losing a loved one via death makes one mourn. As grieving occurs internally, people tend to show such pain through mourning; thus, it denotes the open expression of grief. According to Palmer, Sigmund Freud wrote about mourning and melancholy. He described mourning as the usual response to losing a loved one or reaction to the loss of a particular abstraction like liberty or property (3).
Even though models and theories of stages and processes exist to explain grieving, all these accept the following signs and symptoms as typical in whatever order individuals may exhibit them. Such signs and symptoms include feeling numb, experiencing disbelief and shock, and denial that an inevitable loss transpired. Others are loneliness, sadness, despair, and an empty feeling. These may be accompanied by anger, resentment, shame, and regret. These internal feelings are common, and when someone loses a breadwinner in the family, feelings of anxiety, insecurity, helplessness, and fear may occur. The physical symptoms exhibited in such scenarios may include sickness, heart palpitations, body aches and pains, insomnia, fatigue, night sweats, nausea, and a lightheaded feeling.
Grief Counseling
According to Worden (2019), grief counseling involves assisting individuals in facilitating simple or regular grief toward a healthy adjustment or adaptation to mourning tasks within a sensible timeframe. Counseling is regarded to address life issues and concerns tied to daily living and not dissect a person’s family dysfunction and profound psychic secrets. Counseling philosophy denotes that humans have inherent strengths and resilience that can be tapped in times of crisis and struggle. Therefore, it offers the chance to help recognize the strength areas within persons of interest. Thus, grief counseling is not the mere process of giving pats on someone’s back; instead, it involves understanding, giving reassurance, and providing enough contact to the grieving person. This process grants an avenue for empowerment.
It is important to note that individuals may require medication for anxiety or depression related to chronic grief under severe circumstances. Nonetheless, medicine rarely assists in resolving the sad feeling tied to grief. As such, the grieving individual should be allowed to experience the pain of losing a loved one for the ability to move forward. Additionally, Christians are constantly engaged in discussions on death before its occurrence. When dying individuals and their relatives and families are free to express and engage in discourses of death before it happens, preemptive grief tends to establish grief as normal when death finally occurs. In developing a counseling plan, a consideration is made for a specific scenario.
A scenario for Grief Counseling
A client named Monica is a 40-year-old single woman who comes to seek counseling concerning her grief. She mentions the loss of her mother that died about seven months earlier, and states that her mother was 63 years old who passed upon being admitted to the hospital due to a flu infection. Prior to her admission, Monica’s mother lived independently, remained active, enjoyed a good quality life, and the two spent most of their time together. The two had a lovely relationship that included engaging in Bible discussions. At times, Monica’s mother would mention that she is getting older and one day she will die, and she wanted to see her grandchild.
Monica developed concern when her mom’s condition worsened after spending three days in the hospital. This was evidenced by the confusion and the pain her mother seemed to experience, and she barely verbalized what specifically hurt. Monica drastically developed fever and showed difficulties in breathing. She describes having felt desperate in such times and tried to acquire the doctors’ attention to at least do something to comfort her mother. The doctors’ response signified a lack of care when they told her, “This is a normal reaction from old people sometimes when admitted.” Under close investigation, Monica managed to locate a resident who examined her mother and affirmed that she was experiencing septic shock and immediately moved her to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) to commenced treatment.
Nevertheless, her mother passed on some few hours later, and the memory of these last events still reside and linger in her mind continuously. Monica mentions that she harbors a great deal of anger toward the medics for their total lack of care and ignorance toward her and her mother in the hospital. She also indicates feeling lonely because of the gap her mother left, having spent most of her time with her, and that she lacks her own family- being a single woman. The state of loneliness has deprived her of concentration and focus, especially in her job. She had to acquire a leave of absence due to her inability to function accurately in the work environment.
Counseling Plan
This is a layout of how the counselor will proceed to conduct the counseling sessions. Its structure is flexible and may blend appropriately to client needs. The following plan consists of sessions that a counselor can apply in Monica’s case to help her adapt and move forward from her grief.
The Counseling Sessions
The counseling sessions are a breakdown of stages in counseling to enable the client to overcome or adapt fully to her loss. It commences when the counselor has established general goals, including helping the client increase perspective and insight about their current situation, relationships, emotions, and behavior. Also, a counselor provides a safe space or place for the client to clarify their thoughts through a direct expression of feelings. Moreover, the counselor can offer the client context for their experience in the confines of a more comprehensive view such as existential perspective, social and political structures, and family context.
The counselor can empower the client to be their own advocates upon developing their skills in handling distressing and painful circumstances. The final goal would be to facilitate locating and establishing meaning for the client within the bereaved person’s life experiences (Worden 88). There are five sessions involved in counseling Monica in the scenario above. These would be marked with an interval of three days considering the urgency in her requirements.
First Session
In counseling, this session would require me to be present and available for Monica because she might find it difficult to take in whatever I tell her. She might be uninterested in my opinion, and this means giving her time to speak. This first session would comprise gathering information incorporating client-centered counseling, implying that Monica receives the platform for sharing her experience and presenting the problem at hand (Winokuer and Darcy 8). Such a session would require a warm environment for building and creating a trusting relationship between the counselor and Monica.
It is important to note that she is the preeminent authority on her experience and is the only one capable of altering and growing into what she deems fit. The counselor acts as a provider and facilitator of the suitable environment for such growth. Thus, session one will incorporate increasing the reality of Monica’s loss as she speaks about it. This means offering a shoulder for Monica to cry. In the Bible, Mary is angry as she grieves for Lazarus. Part of this anger is directed at Jesus for failing to come quickly before Lazarus’ death. Nonetheless, Jesus feels her grief, and without making comments, He equally grieves. Thus, it is written, “Jesus wept.” This shows that this session is supposed to put Monica as the central focus, and if possible, one needs to walk with her through her grief and feel the emotions she expresses.
The counselor helps her accept and labor through the pain, presenting the central part of an intervention. She needs to know that expressing feelings is good and acceptable without pressuring her to show such emotions. This can be encouraged by asking questions concerning her mother’s death. For instance, asking where it happened, how she found out about her mother’s death, speaking of the funeral service, the people present at the service, and what was said concerning her mother. The unsettling feelings Monica has here include loneliness, anger, guilt, and helplessness. Active, attentive, empathic, and careful listening is essential in this instance while asking open-ended questions. For example, what were the happiest times with your mom? What happens now that you would want to continue happening? What would your mom want for you? To foster a feeling of genuineness for Monica, it is vital to indulge in self-disclosure; nonetheless, too much self-revelation may make her lose respect for the counselor while too little will impress upon her the lack of humanity in the counselor.
The session majorly handles her emotions, the grief of losing her mother, and her anger towards physicians. Thus, the most effective and powerful way to relate and connect to a bereaved person is to listen to them. She might vent out her grief through crying, and she must know she is not alone. This session provides the opportunity for writing the specific goals consistent with her problem presentation. Such goals would include:
(i) To overcome emotional and behavioral pain (anger towards physicians);
(ii) To adjust and adapt from grief and increasing reality of the loss;
(iii) To readjust and adapt to various impediments externally, internally, and spiritually; and to
(iv) To maintain a bond with the dead mother while moving forward with life.
Anger, guilt, despair, and confusion will all be expressed as the sessions unfold, and as a counselor, I will need to listen rather than condemn or explain away such feelings. Monica should have a pen and paper for jotting down her experience in the counseling sessions as dreams and insights appear. As the session nears its termination, I will provide words of encouragement and comfort from the Scripture, without preaching or utilizing religious clichés as a way of stifling grief expression.
Second Session
This session majorly touches on Monica’s strengths to encourage positive thinking or learned optimism. It can begin with preliminary questions comprising Monica’s welfare within the past few days. The Scripture notes, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Ps. 46.1). There is always a divine help ready for our assistance. Thus, Monica can be encouraged via strength-based counseling to learn novel perspectives. Rather than projecting possible future problems, Monica is inspired to know the future developments and the Lord’s presence in such prospects. The session starts by reviewing the last session’s events or developments, proposing revisiting the most pressing issue, and finally giving Monica some homework.
The counselor gathers information in the first 20 minutes by allowing Monica to speak concerning her problems. Engaging a question like, “how have things been so far?” “Have is work, or when are you planning to resume?” These can help Monica to start talking. Proceeding questions can involve asking her to speak more about siblings and relatives and the condition of existing relations. Whenever any negative talks accompanied by tears appear, this may imply Monica is attempting to reinforce her self-hatred or hatred toward a person. Thus, the counselor finds a turning point to positive. For instance, a question like “Is there anything you love or like about you?” is a good start. Upon a positive response, she can develop a list by writing such things down on her notepad. The likely reaction for Monica can be, having a good job, loving cooking, and great public speaker. The counselor can encourage her to have a range of 10 things she loves about herself.
Upon finishing this part, the counselor engages more self-disclosure to continue establishing credibility in the eyes of Monica. Additionally, congratulating Monica on her progress in attending the second session can form positivity mindset. To help release more emotional baggage, the counselor can imply some plan of action. Some of these include positive journaling of experiences in relation to the word of God for the next two days. God promises comfort for the suffering and words of encouragement such as in Psalms 55.22 (Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved), which can be helpful in journaling. As a counselor, I can encourage Monica to develop prayer sessions to develop a loving relationship with God.
Third Session
The session begins by reviewing the last session’s events to confirm Monica’s interest in the recovery process. Monica should be made aware that grief is the appropriate response to her loss, which she endures. This session assesses the feelings associated with feelings and the resulting activities from such thinking. Thus, it comprises Monica’s immediate interpretation of actual events, her evaluation of such events (rationally or irrationally), and the outcomes or associated feelings and behaviors. This a model founded by Aaron Beck that explains the flow of emotions upon an event’s occurrence (Crumb and Natoya 266). One may interpret an adverse event via a rational belief leading to a healthy negative emotion. Alternatively, they can interpret a negative event through an irrational belief leading to unhealthy negative emotion (Crumb and Natoya 266).
As an illustration, a friend may walk straight by without saying hello. The irrational thinking may suggest that friend to be ignoring, and the response would be to ignore them the next time. Alternatively, a person can interpret such an event rationally that the friend was distracted. The next time the response would be to call out their name and realize the friend was thinking about something else. Monica would be asked to unpack negative emotions comprising lies she tells about herself. Such lies can include overgeneralizing (I am always disorganized), confusing a fact with feeling (if I feel or think like this, then my feelings or thoughts must be true), mind-reading by thinking that one knows what others think, and labeling (I am loser versus I made a mistake). When a close person dies, the griever experiences a relational separation from the departed one. Thus, they must make a checklist comprising emotions (negative) common to a grieving individual.
An explanation accompanies the checklist. Grief is an interwoven emotional ball with no orderly stages. Thus, the session explores the accuracy of Monica’s resources and strengths and solicits them to make alterations necessary and live a quality life to different degrees. She must understand that her feelings are very normal and that by highlighting them, she improves strength. This session highlights that problems exist, and talking about them gives freedom to live a good life. The homework, in this instance, includes journaling the feelings associated with events and beliefs and their final consequences. This will help Monica voice her sorrow through biblical complaint and lamentation, as depicted in Psalms 62.8. By keeping a journal for pouring out her heart before God and expressing the deep pain and anger, she feels would provide comfort, as she trusts in the promises of God. Discovering the truth in the Word of God would help Monica to accept that her mother’s life was exactly how God intended it to unfold (Ps. 139.16).
Fourth Session
Monica should experience the comfort that only comes from having a relationship with God and, successively, Christ’s body. Comfort can be defined as experiencing God’s presence in the wake of suffering, a presence that can encourages and enable Monica to survive scars, such as the ones inflicted by the medics at the hospital, and plants the seed of hope that she will yet flourish. This session will involve adjusting or adapting to the environment with a missing mother. To perform this, I would urge Monica to allow other Christians into her life to walk alongside her and to hear her story of grief. This would form part of her plan of action.
Such support can enable her to emerge from these moments filled with grief not simply to survive the experience but to be conformed to the image and Christ’s likeness (Rom. 8.28, 29). Thus, she must become alive and live presently and for the future instead of simply surviving and harboring hatred. The distressing reality is that her beloved mother is dead. One way to experience that reality and riding the pain is going into her mother’s room to box up her personal belongings to assist her in adjusting to the environment with a missing mother.
The table below shows a plan of action for Monica.
| Plan of Action | Time |
| 1. Engage in social interactions with other Christians. | Every Wednesday |
| 2. Package/Box up mom’s belongings | By Sunday |
| 3. Read the Bible, Journal, and Pray. | Daily |
Fifth Session
This marks the last session in counseling Monica. The session involves helping Monica move forward with her life minus the deceased, where she is encouraged to find a good, continuous, emotional link with her dead mother. This happens while she resumes her life and relationships, especially her marriage life (being something that her mother wanted for her), in a purposeful way. It implies setting different goals for various components of her life. It is done by examining her physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Thus, emphasis is made on making Monica see potential solutions by asking: What did you do that helped you in the past demise? What will you be engaging in the next few weeks to show you that you are making progress continuously?
I would encourage her and teach her how to walk in truth and not by feelings. A person needs to embrace God’s faithfulness and cleave on Him steadfastly as they start to accept a loss and grasp hope and healing. Monica will need to be transformed by renewing her mind (Rom 12.2) and desist from allowing her feelings to dictate her life’s course. It is also essential to complement and validate Monica’s undertaking and equally acknowledge the difficulty of her situation. The compliments convey a message that the counselor has been listening to her all along.
It is in this session that recommendations may apply. Recommendations for Monica would always be to ask herself what she is thinking to avoid falling into despair again. Also, it would be good for her to note how she has responded to the feeling and subsequently visit the Word of God to discover more about what He says concerning her thoughts and reactions. Such an exercise aims to help her be realistic about her feelings and assist her in holding fast to God’s Word as the truth in making each step by faith (Job 1.20, 21). Additionally, practice forgiveness towards the medics and she can meditate on Biblical accounts on suffering such as Phil. 1.23, 25 and Rom. 8.17, 18 to assist her in recognizing that the present suffering has a purpose (Kellemen and Stephen 363). Thus, the Lord desires to use such a time in her life to benefit others later who are experiencing the same kind of grief. Focusing on reading the Bible, especially Psalms’ book, will remind her of God’s faithfulness to the suffering.
Conclusion
Grief is an experience that occurs to everyone at a particular time. Few individuals manage to escape it, others are trapped by it, and the ones who manage to pass through it successfully have an experience, which is painful and refining. Probably grief can be counted as a reward, not to be clasped eagerly and utilized to gratify our selfish needs, but a perpetual and hesitantly received growth experience from God. Thus, to profit from its influence requires grievers to accept it honestly, navigate it with the help of God (who uses the pain for our maturity into holiness for His work), and the support of friends. Helping grieving individuals to resume the journey of life is the ultimate aim of grief counseling. As such, this research paper has given me a broader view concerning grief. Having experienced one before, I now come to appreciate the experience fully as it molds one into a mature character able to navigate through the challenges of life with God at the center of it all.
Works Cited
Baglione, Anna N., et al. “Modern bereavement: a model for complicated grief in the digital age.” Proceedings of the 2018 CHI Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems. 2018.
Bible, King James Version
Crumb, Loni, and Natoya Haskins. “An integrative approach: Relational cultural theory and cognitive behavior therapy in college counseling.” Journal of College Counseling 20.3 (2017): 263-277.
Kellemen, Bob, and Stephen Viars, eds. Christ-Centered Biblical Counseling: Changing Lives with God’s Changeless Truth. Harvest House Publishers, 2021.
Palmer, Hugh. “Bereavement and grief counselling.” Psychiatric and mental health nursing. Routledge, 2017. 679-688.
Tran, Dinh Q. “Clinicians’ perceptions of their role in grief counseling.” (2016).
Winokuer, Howard R., and Darcy Harris. Principles and Practice of Grief Counseling. Springer Publishing Company, 2015.
Worden, J. William. Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner. Springer Publishing Company, 2018.
